


Since Then

by avaalons



Category: American (US) Actor RPF, Chris Evans - Fandom
Genre: Dad Chris Evans, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Parenthood, separated parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-10 16:16:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12302874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avaalons/pseuds/avaalons
Summary: Over a decade ago, your friends with benefits arrangement with Chris Evans resulted in the birth of your daughter, Abbie. Ten years later, you're working out your family in the best way you know how.





	1. Chapter 1

_If they are still open can I request Chris and y/n and they had a friends with benefits deal that resulted in a kid and now they are raising their kid together but not together if you know what I mean. But everyone around them can see how in love they are and they play it off. Happy ending all round please. Sorry if they are closed._

***

The day your daughter had been born, Chris had only just made it in time. She was three weeks early and Chris had been at the end of filming stint, planning on returning to Boston four days later so that he’d be around in those final weeks of your pregnancy and ready to go when you popped. But his baby girl had had other ideas, deciding she was more than ready to see the world and wanted out, like now. So your sister had called him, screaming more than was probably necessary and told him to get his ass on the next flight out if he had any hopes of witnessing the birth of his first child. 

You were determined, this baby wasn’t coming until Chris was by your side, not because you needed him there as such, but because you didn’t want him to miss this incredible, life changing moment. You didn’t care how many nurses told you that birth didn’t work that way, that baby was staying in until her father could be there to welcome her into the world. 

As luck would have it, your labour was long and horrendous. A head in the wrong position and a heavy dose of oxytocin were doing nothing for your comfort levels and by the time Chris arrived, you were a weeping, screaming, terrified mess, but he was a rock. He was ready with a cool washcloth on your forehead and the back of your neck; he had soothing things relentlessly spilling from his lips, even as you cursed him and shoved at him and told him this was all his fault; he let you near break his hand and didn’t even bat an eyelid; and when she was actually delivered, he cried with you, declared you a family now and that he’d be there for every ballet recital, ball game, science project, chess tournament, or swim competition. He didn’t care, whatever it was she wanted to do, he’d be there.

And you knew then at the back of your mind that it couldn’t possibly be true, his life just wouldn’t allow it, and you weren’t _together_ together so the family part was a bit misleading, but in that moment, you didn’t care. You were floating on elation and nothing but nothing could pull you down from your cloud. 

‘She looks like an Abbie I think,’ he whispered, referencing one of the girls names you’d both shortlisted via text while he’d been away. 

And so there she was, Abigail Christina Evans, the middle name after your mother primarily but also a happy nod to her father, the light of your life and the delicate thread that held you and Chris together. 

***

‘Mooommmm?! Mom?!’ 

You all but threw the iron into its holder attached to the ironing board and flung open the door to the hallway and stairs.

‘Would it really kill you to take it upon yourself to descend this magnificent staircase once in a while instead of just summoning me like a servant?’

The sandy coloured hair of your now not-so-little girl hung down in a sheet as she leaned over the bannister from the landing.

'Sorry mom, I swear. But have you seen my Ariana Grande tshirt? You know, the one I got from LA when-’

'When your dad took you to her show,’ you finished for her in a mock-weary voice, a joke you both had about just how many times she mentioned going to see Ariana Grande live in one day, 'Yes, I know the one. It’s literally in this pile of ironing I’m doing. I’ll do it next. Is there anything else you need? Your dad is due any second.’

'No, I’m good apart from that tshirt. Thanks mom, you’re the best.’

You smiled up at her and she blew you a kiss. Sometimes you couldn’t believe just how grown up she was now. She was only ten but seemed such a little lady, and she was beautiful inside and out. 

You finished her tshirt, folding it gently and just as you lay it on the pile of her other things, there was the sound of a key in the door. 

'Sweetheart! Your dad’s here!’ you shouted as he stepped over the threshold with a smile and a wave to you. He barely had time to get out his hello before he was ambushed by his own child. She launched herself at him in excitement, clinging to him koala style and burying her face in his neck. His arms immediately wrapped around her as he hugged her to him tightly. You smiled to yourself, busying yourself with your chores and letting them have their moment.

'Oh princess, I can’t even tell you how happy I am to see you,’ he told her sincerely. 

'Me too dad. Oh my god, I’ve got so much to tell you,’ and with that she wriggled from his grasp, the moment over as she launched into a fast and detailed explanation of all the friend dramas she sustained everyday with barely a breath, ’… so then Kaitlyn was like 'well I don’t want to be Abbie’s understudy,’ but Miss Clary told her straight up that she’d end up with no part at all if she carried on. I can’t help it if I’m a triple threat, can I Dad? Anyway, I need to grab my stuff from upstairs and then I can tell you what happened at soccer practise - oh my god! Mom told me you can come to my next game! I’m so excited! - but anyway, honestly, I can’t even - Jenna 'accidentally’ tripped up Chloe last week and - oh just wait a second while I get my bag.’

And like a sudden whirlwind, she was gone as quickly as she had arrived and you looked over at Chris with a knowing grin. He was stood with his eyes wide, apparently lost for words.

'I blame you. That must all be you because I was definitely not that talkative when I was her age,’ you told him.

He paused for a moment, shaking his head in disbelief before laughing, 'Triple threat?! Did she actually just say that?’

'Again, I blame you.’

He shook his head quickly, as if to shake off the verbal battering ram he’d just received, before clearing the room to approach you and pull you into a light hug.

'Anyway. Hello, hi, it’s good to see you.’

You laughed into his chest, giving him a quick squeeze, 'Nice to see you too. You’re looking well. Work going okay? Got to keep the beard this time I see.’

'Oh my god, I know!’ he replied quickly in excitement, unknowingly almost an exact replica of his daughter just moments earlier, as he scrubbed a hand over his facial hair, 'Cap with a beard, who knew?! What’s been going on here? Give me a run down.’

You walked through to the kitchen as you talked, Chris following you instinctively. 

'Not a lot really. She’s doing well in school although could probably do with a tiny bit more focus on the academic side of things, but as long as she keeps the balance with her extra curriculars, she’ll be okay. Did you see I added the next parent-teacher conference evening to the calendar?’ You pulled open the fridge door and handed him a water before grabbing one for yourself. You’d worked out over the years that to keep Chris in the loop with everything going on in Abbie’s life, a synced digital calendar worked wonders. 

He nodded, 'Yeah, I can be here. In fact…’

He was suddenly pensive and your curiosity piqued.

'Yes?’

'After I’m done with Cap, I think I’m going to take some time off Hollywood and spend more time in Boston. Move back for a while. Full time.’

You raised your eyebrows, a little surprised, 'Yeah? And what’s brought that on? Abbie will be thrilled, of course, but… is everything okay?’

He perched himself on one of your breakfast island stools, suddenly very interested in picking at the label of his water bottle, 'It’s just been a rough year with the whole Jenny thing. I need to refocus, get back to me. Spend some real quality time with my family instead of flitting in for a week every month. You shouldn’t have to put a question mark in every calendar entry. I should just be here.’

An edge of frustration creeped into his voice at the end and your heart went out to him. Balancing being an actor in Hollywood and a dad in Boston hadn’t always been the easiest of situations.

'Hey, we’ve both done our absolute best for her. You’ve supported her far more than some of her friends’ fathers who live in the same house as them, I can tell you that for certain! There’s no need to beat yourself up, she knows you worship the ground she walks on, just like she does for you.’

It wasn’t just words, it was the truth. Chris had worked hard to make sure Abbie felt like he was a consistent presence in her life. He knew it took far more than simply throwing gifts and money at her. Her parents might not have been together, but they were united and she knew full well how much they both loved her. 

Chris looked up at you then, a half smile ghosting his features at your words before turning serious again. 

'I just don’t want her to get to eighteen and I suddenly regret not being here more. Remember when she was born? I said I’d be there for everything.’

'You’ve been here enough to make her happy Chris, I promise,’ you placed a comforting hand on his arm.

'She’s my world, and she deserves to have me around more.’

'Listen, I’m not going to stand here and say I don’t think this is a good idea. She’s going to be beside herself when she finds out. I think it’s great! Just don’t be so harsh to yourself. You’re a great dad and she’s lucky to have you.’

'I’m lucky to have her,’ he did smile then, properly, 'And you.’

'Yeah, we make a pretty good team,’ you returned his smile. 

'Do you think we work so well because we’re not in a relationship?’ The mood in the kitchen was back to being light and you moved to the counter to grab the tin of cookies you’d made earlier. 

'I think I can say, without a doubt in my mind, unequivocally yes.’

He laughed at your comment and you slid the tin across to him, 'For you and Abbie and your inevitable movie night later.’

He prised the lid open and leaned forward to smell the baked goods, groaning as the scent of sugar and chocolate hit him.

'Oh my god, my trainer is literally going to beat me next week. Remind me again why I never married you?’

A peal of laughter broke from you, 'Because we were just friends with benefits until you knocked me up, dumb ass.’

***

Having Chris back in Boston did turn out to be a really great thing for Abbie. She saw him so much more and with him came his family, her grandparents and aunties and uncle and cousins. She always had them in her life, of course, but having Chris just made that link and bond even stronger. 

This was exactly why you were dreading Christmas. 

Christmas had always been a day for the two of you primarily. Chris was generally at his mom’s on Christmas Day, with the rest of his siblings and their children, so Abbie usually spent Christmas Eve at her grandmother’s and woke up there with her cousins for presents, but by midday, Chris would have dropped her off back at home and the rest of the day would be yours to spend together, opening more presents, watching DVDs and eating far too much turkey and playing with all the toys and games she had received. 

But now, things were different. Chris was a much more permanent fixture in your lives and your instincts told you that he was going to ask if Abbie could spend Christmas with him and all his family. You couldn’t begrudge her it either: who wouldn’t want to spend Christmas Day surrounded by their family. Their household was large and chaotic and noisy, but it was also a lot of fun and full of traditions. Abbie would have a great time, but you’d miss her so much. You could go to your own parents, of course, or spend the day with your sister and her family. It’s not like you had nowhere to go. But you would miss your own little traditions that you’d created with your daughter over the years. She was growing up, however, and she could make her own decision about it. 

It still didn’t stop the empty feeling in the pit of your stomach when Chris mentioned Christmas as he sat at your kitchen one evening with you and Abbie. He’d been with the two of you to see her play a soccer game and had stopped by for take out afterwards on Abbie’s insistence. 

'So, I was talking to my mom and we were wondering about Christmas this year…’

'Hmm?’ you indicated you were listening at least even though you hoped the actual words wouldn’t be spoken. 

’… it could be nice if we spend Christmas together, you know, instead of shuttling Abbie back before lunch. Don’t worry if it’s a problem, it was just an idea,’ he spoke the last part quickly, as if he’d expected you to make some excuse as soon as he got the words out.

'Yes! Oh my god, please can I go to grandma’s?!’ Abbie immediately responded. 

'Abs, It’s up to your mom, don’t forget,’ Chris warned her.

'I think… I think that’s really great idea. I’m sure you’ll all have an amazing time!’ Your voice was weirdly high pitched as you struggled to try and not betray your disappointment. 

You heard a snicker coming from Chris’ direction and when you looked at him, shooting daggers, your first thought was to be affronted. How could he possibly find leaving you without your daughter on Christmas Day funny?! But before you could make some pithy remark, he spoke again.

'You’ll be there too, of course.’

'Yeah mom, you’ll be there too, right?’

They both looked at you expectantly from across the table, identical expressions on their faces, and your heart soared.

’…of course I will, baby girl!’

As soon as Abbie went back to eating, you mouthed a _thank you_ at Chris but he just furrowed his brow slightly and shook his head quickly as he plucked at his noodles with chopsticks, as if to say 'you’ve got nothing to thank me for.’

***

It was only six weeks until Christmas when your phone rang one Saturday morning. Glancing down at the screen you saw 'Baby Daddy’ and smiled as your rolled your eyes. _Someone_ had managed to get hold of your phone. Again. You swiped to answer and immediately held the handset to your ear.

'I better be in your contacts as 'Baby Mama’ and I hope that whenever I call, you’ve got a girl with you.’

You heard him chuckle down the line, 'Only just seen that, huh?’ 

'Yes! Imagine if I was on a date and the guy saw! How am I supposed to explain that one away?’

’…are you on a date?’

'No, but that’s-’

'Listen, if a guy is getting sneaky looks at your phone on the first date, then he’s probably not for you.’

'Well, we can’t all be that choosy, can we?’

'You certainly can,’ was his immediate response, 'Don’t settle for anything less than perfection.’

'Oh great, I’ll just resign myself to being alone for the rest of my life then,’ you tried for a small laugh but it sounded hollow even to you. This conversation was getting deep fast. 

'You’re not alone. You’ve got Abbie,’ he offered, and then added in a quiet voice, 'And me.’

_It’s not the same though_ , you wanted to tell him but you also wanted to end this line of thinking and change the conversation immediately.

'Did you call for something?’

'Oh… yeah,’ he seemed to remember himself, 'I was wondering if we could go Christmas present shopping for Abbie.’

'We?’

'Yeah, she’s got Christmas show rehearsals all day, right? I was hoping you could help me out.’

'You don’t need my help, you always get her great presents!’

'It feels different somehow this year. I don’t know, more… moving back has made such a difference, I feel like I’m really truly cemented in her life now.’

'Chris,’ your voice was soft, 'It’s always been that way.’

'I know, I know, but I just love that I don’t have to be a visiting dad or a Skype dad anymore. I’m here, in the flesh, for her whenever she needs me and I want to get her something to reflect that.’

Your heart warmed for him. You knew the change in circumstances had been a happy transition for Abbie, but you didn’t think about how much it had affected Chris too. 

'Okay, I’ll get my thinking cap on. What time shall we meet?’

'I’ll come pick you up in… an hour, say? Then we can go and collect Abbie afterwards. I feel like taking my girls out for burgers.’

You wondered idly if he realised how he sounded when he said 'my girls.’ A butterfly-like feeling rose in your belly and you quickly squashed it down. It did no good to think on the past. What you had now was good, it worked, and you intended to keep it that way, for Abbie’s sake. You and Chris had never been destined to be together, not properly. There was only ever one thing keeping you connected and it was your daughter. Without her, you would have parted ways a long time ago, probably never to see each other again. So when Chris said things like 'my girls,’ you needed to remember he didn’t mean it like you belonged to him or with him, just that you were a girl in his life, who happened to be the mother of his only child. 

'Okay, I’ll be ready. Burgers are on you though. And I’m ordering sides. And dessert.’

He laughed, 'Whatever you want. See you in an hour.’

***

'Ten’s a weird age,’ Chris mused as you wandered the mall together, 'Especially for her. She seems so grown up sometimes.’

'I know. She seems too old for toys but too young to not have them. What about crafty things? She likes art and making stuff.’

'Anyone could get her that though. What can I get her that’s special?’

’…I might have an idea. Come with me.’

'Lead the way, oh wise one.’

He followed you dutifully through the mall until you came to a jewellery store.

'Isn’t she a little young for jewellery as a gift? Shouldn’t jewellery be from, like, Tiffany’s or Cartier or somewhere?’

You looked at him, baffled, 'You do realise those two questions completely contradict each other right? She’s ten, she won’t know the difference, and she definitely won’t care if it’s from Tiffany’s. But she also looks after her things now, she quite precious about it so I think jewellery would be nice. Plus, check these out,’ you pointed to some delicate necklaces on display with pendants in various shapes, 'You can get them personalised with an engraving on the back and have pictures put inside.’

'A locket?’ You could tell he was starting to see the appeal.

'Yeah, you could have a picture of the two of you inside, and then she’s always got you with her, even when you’re away for work or whatever.’

'You are a genius,’ Chris declared, making his way inside. 'Turns out you’re not just a pretty face.’

You gave him an affronted shove to the shoulder but he hooked his hand around your arm, pulling you into the shop with him.

The clerk was immediately by your side, asking if you needed help.

'We’re looking for a keepsake gift for our daughter…’

You left Chris to it and wandered off to look at all the beautiful pieces on display. It had been so long since someone had bought you jewellery. You’d had a few boyfriends over the years but just one that lasted longer than six months. It had been nigh on impossible when Abbie was a baby and as she got older, and dating should have become easier, you found that explaining the situation was difficult. Given Chris’ job, you had to work hard to protect the privacy of both your daughter and her father, and more often than not, you found your own wants and needs played second fiddle. 

Chris’ relationships had been well publicised, of course, but he kept Abbie out of it all for the most part. Jenny had been the exception. She was a Boston girl too and was less 'Hollywoodised’ than some of his previous choices. She’d gone on the family Disney trip that year and by all accounts, had been perfectly lovely to Abbie. She’d been disappointed when her dad and Jenny broke up shortly after but Chris made sure Abbie knew it was nothing to do with her, that Jenny adored her but sometimes adults just couldn’t work it out.

As Abbie had gotten older, Chris had taken her to a few premieres as his 'date’, only ever to events that were controlled where there was plenty of other stuff going on so that they wouldn’t be the sole focus of the attention. He figured the interest in his life and with his daughter was inevitable and not going anywhere so he’d give enough to satisfy the need for pictures and information, and hoped that that was enough to keep them off her back when she was just at home, being a kid and growing up. 

She did have a weird sort of 'in between’ life, but you supposed she had the best of both worlds. She could enjoy the nice bits that came with her dad’s fame, but she still had privacy and a safe place at home where she could grow up relatively normally and stay grounded. You and Chris had both sworn when she was born you wouldn’t let her be negatively impacted by his fame, and you thought you’d done an okay job so far. 

'What do you think of this one?’ Chris’ voice and appearance at your side shook you from your reverie. 

He held a velvet cushion in his palm with a delicate, heart-shaped locket. It was rounded at the edges and the join was almost invisible. It was smooth, bright gold and didn’t have all the fancy decoration you’d seen on some of them. It was perfect, simple and charming and, importantly, wearable. Not too flashy or too old. Just right for a little girl’s first piece of jewellery from her father.

'She’ll love it, without a doubt,’ you beamed up at him, 'Do you know what picture you’re going get?’

'Yep, I decided that first. I’ve already emailed it across. This one will have a picture in one side and an engraving on the other.’

'Perfect. Good choice!’ 

'Just wanted your approval before I paid. I’ll go get settled up.’

You watched him walk back to the counter, wondering how you and Abbie ended up so lucky. The situation you found yourself in ten years ago could have gone so wrong, but somehow, somehow, you became an unconventional, sometimes dysfunctional, but generally happy family. 

***

Christmas Eve rolled around so quickly. You and Chris, along with all the other family members that would be at Lisa’s on Christmas Eve and staying over, had subtly squirrelled away the kids presents in various hiding places in her house so that by the time Christmas morning rolled around, the kids would be none the wiser. You’d driven carefully through snow in the afternoon, trunk loaded with your overnight bags and Abbie in the passenger seat, more excited than she could bear.

'I’m so happy you’re coming today as well mom, and I’m so excited to spend the day at Grandma’s tomorrow,’ she was practically bouncing in her seat.

'You could have stayed all the other times baby, if you wanted. You should have said.’

'Yeah, but you wouldn’t have wanted to stay overnight at Grandma’s and I wanted to spend time with you on Christmas too,’ Abbie reasoned.

'I’m staying over this time,’ you said in question to her idea that you wouldn’t. 

'Yeah, but it’s different now dad’s home, isn’t it? You two are closer and we all spend more time together. And he hasn’t got a girlfriend,’ she shrugged nonchalantly as you blinked in surprise. 

_When did your little girl get so astute?_

'Abs, your dad having or not having a girlfriend has nothing to do with anything. Your dad and I are friends and we care about each other and you, but that’s as far as it goes. We’ll always do what is best for you and that means us getting along and working together.’

'Oh mom,’ she sounded far too old for her years and you almost laughed, 'You’re so silly. You must have liked each other at some time or you wouldn’t have me at all, would you? Only married people or boyfriends and girlfriends have babies.’

_Jesus Christ._ You didn’t even know what to do with this conversation. Thank god you were turning into Lisa’s street and you were almost at your destination. 

'I can see grandma’s house!’ 

And just like that, she was distracted, leaving you to your own confusing thoughts.

***

The house was manic. It was a sea of decorations and sweaters and food and drinks, all soundtracked by classic Christmas songs. Dodger was tap dancing with excitement around Abbie’s feet and he had been dutifully following the kids around as they ran and played, the excitement of what was to come tomorrow getting them all worked up. There was loud conversation and laughter from everywhere. 

You caught up with Carly, Chris’ sister, in the kitchen, telling her about the surprising and hilarious conversation with your daughter and Carly laughed along with you, knowing all too well how awkward child-led conversations can get. But then her questioning turned more serious.

'Do you really never wonder what it would be like though?’ She spoke quietly next to you, your heads close together, each clutching a glass of wine.

'Wonder about what?’ 

'About you and Chris. What it would have been like?’

You shook your head vigorously, 'No, what’s the point? We would never have worked out. I’d probably have never seen him again if it weren’t for Abbie.’

'You did have Abbie and you did see him again. Is there really nothing there?’

You glanced over through the doorway into the living room. Chris was helping the kids put the decorations back on the tree after one of them had wound Dodger up too much getting him to jump for a toy and he’d stumbled backwards into the tree and knocking a whole host of ornaments off. Some of them were old and had been on the tree for decades, and Chris had a story connected to each one. The kids were rapt with attention and you watched as he scooped Abbie up so she could place a heavy Beauty and the Beast ornament on a thicker branch so it wouldn’t fall again. 

'Carly, I… he’s the father of my little girl. I love him deeply, I do, but I can’t be in love with him. He’s an amazing dad to Abbie, and that’s all I need from him. He moved back here to spend more time with her and they have a great relationship. Nothing should get in the way of that.’

'Funny, he told me that too, but the more I see, the more I think it wasn’t just Abbie he came back for,’ she spoke cryptically and you whipped your head to look at her, shocked, but her attention had been caught by one of her sons and she was gone, dragged away to go and look at something he’d done and was obviously very proud of. 

You were frozen. _What did she mean? What else would Chris come back for? She couldn’t mean you, could she?_ You looked back at Chris, still holding Abbie, only to find your gaze caught by his own. He smiled warmly and whispered something in Abbie’s ear before setting her down. She ran over to you, grabbing your hand in hers. 

'Mom, come and look at the baubles dad’s been telling me about. Do you know grandma got some of them for his first Christmas?! They’re soooooooo old…’ she trailed off as she pulled you into the living room.

'Hey! Less of the old, thank you very much! Go and look after your cousins before you wound my pride anymore!’ He spoke dramatically to make her laugh as she skipped away before turning to you, 'You okay? You seem quiet.’

'Yeah, I’m fine,’ you replied with what you hoped seemed like confidence as you resolved to pack away any of those strange thoughts Carly had conjured up, 'It’s just… you know… a lot different to my usual Christmas Eves!’

His face turned serious, 'I should have invited you before now. I don’t know why I didn’t, seems obvious now.’

'Chris, don’t worry about it. You’ve got your own life with Abbie and you deserved that time together.’

'You know me and Abbie aren’t separate from you and Abbie, right? We’re a unit, a family.’

'I know that,’ you nodded, probably sounding just as unsure as you felt.

'You’re so important to me, so important,’ he took your hand that wasn’t holding a wine glass and squeezed it tightly. 

You could feel your face burning up and between Abbie’s conversation in the car, Carly’s in the kitchen and now this, you didn’t know what or how to feel anymore. You were so confused and the noise and the wine and the warmth in the house wasn’t helping. It was making you feel like you had a place here, and you didn’t. You were a guest, that was all.

You tried to make your voice light and joking, 'I know, dumb ass. I should hope so, being your baby mama and all.’

It didn’t draw a smile from him however and he immediately began to try and contradict you, eyes intent on yours, his thumb running over your knuckles, 'No, not just-’

'Chris! Can you run to the store?’ Lisa’s panicked voice could be heard from the pantry and Chris went immediately to see what was wrong.

You breathed a sigh of relief, nervous nausea dissipating immediately. These serious conversations were getting to be way too much. 

'Has anyone seen my keys?’ He spoke loudly as he entered the room again. You began to look around, grateful for something to do and spotted them on the mantel over the fireplace. You plucked them up and placed them in his hand.

He did smile then, chucking a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of where his mom had been, but he spoke to the room rather than just to you, 'She’s forgotten the bacon for the pigs in blankets for tomorrow. I’ll be back in a little while.’

*** 

You had used the reprieve to compose yourself, sneaking off to the bathroom to splash some cool water on your face and take a few deep breaths. All kinds of things had been stirred up, feelings you thought had been long since buried and forgotten. 

It was just Christmas sentimentality, you told yourself. You needed to get through the holidays and then just get back to how the way things had been. Maybe you needed to pull away from Chris for a little while, encourage him to do more with Abbie by herself. Maybe you could get a dating app and see what was out there. Just get through the holidays.

When you emerged, everything was as it had been. No one had noticed your absence, or your flustered state, and you were glad. You went through to the kitchen to see if Lisa needed any help and she set you to work filling a chocolate Swiss roll with frosting. You weren’t really sure who the Swiss roll was for, or when it was supposed to be eaten, because there seemed to be a million cakes and desserts around the place, but you did as you were told. 

'Oh hell, there’s no herbs for the stuffing! Where has my head been this year? Could you be a sweetheart and give Chris a call? Tell him to pick up some fresh herbs while he’s at the store. I don’t know where my phone is, it’s around this place somewhere…’

'Sure,’ you agreed, wiping your hands on a tea towel before pulling your phone from the back pocket of your jeans. You pressed 'Baby Daddy’ on the recent contacts and held it to your ear, only to hear a phone ringing somewhere in your vicinity. You walked towards the sound, and on seeing the glowing screen, realised that Chris had stupidly left his phone on the kitchen counter.

'What an idi-’ but you were cut off when you saw the text on the screen. 

'What’s he done?’ Lisa called from behind you but you barely noticed, disbelieving gaze glued to the illuminated screen of Chris’ phone as you let it ring out. 

There, in glowing white letters against black as you called him, was the contact name he had given you.

_Resolution 2018: Marry her._

***

You heard the front door slam shut and knew that Chris must have arrived back. You were sat in dim lamplight in the room Lisa had given you for the night, thoughts swirling and colliding. You didn’t know how to feel and upon seeing the name you’d been given, ran immediately from the room, fleeing upstairs where the noise of the family was muffled and the air was cooler. 

Lisa had followed you up quietly, having seen the glowing screen over your shoulder and knowing instantly what was wrong. She paused at the door, purposefully not being intrusive. 

'Is it a joke!?’ You asked her, unable to come up with any other explanation. 

'No, sweetheart. He would never… he loves you far too much.’

A sob shuddered from your body then, all the emotions crashing at once, and Lisa rushed to your side, sitting down on the mattress with you and winding an arm around your shoulders. 

'Hey now, there’s no need to cry. You’ve got some talking to do but I’m sure it will all work out,’ her hand smoothed comforting motions against your arm as she tucked your head under her chin, cradling you like you were a child, 'You love him too, right?’

You nodded against her, unable to get your words out. 

'You two have been so wrapped up in Abbie that for the longest time, I don’t think either of you even considered that you could make each other happy too.’

That just made you cry harder. _So much wasted time._

'You stay here where it’s quiet. I’m sure he’ll find you soon enough.’

Lisa had left you to your solitude and incredibly, within the twenty or so minutes between Lisa leaving and Chris arriving back home, you’d manage to go from being sad and helpless to angry. You were really angry. _How could he keep this from you? Why would he make jokes about you working because you weren’t in a relationship? Why would he change his name in your phone to Baby Daddy? Why would he cheapen your feelings by implying he’d marry you for your baking, for God’s sake?_

So when you heard his footsteps clearing the stairs two at a time, you were ready for a fight. You deserved an explanation. But then he appeared at the door, his figure taking up the majority of the space. 

You didn’t say anything. Just sat there, staring steadily at the floor, not trusting yourself to look up. 

He cleared his throat in the silence and tried to break the ice, 'So, I left my phone behind, as it turns out.’

You looked up sharply then. Did he expect you to laugh? But you saw his eyes, worried and nervous, and you realised he’d been testing the water with all of those stupid comments. He was just as scared as you were about these feelings and what they meant. 

'How long?’ You wanted to know, 'How long have I been alone when we could have been together?’

Your voice broke at the end as another wave of tears started up and he lurched forwards, crouching down in front of you, taking your hands in his and looking up at you. 

'I didn’t realise, I swear to you. I was too stupid, too young, too dumb and too far away to see what I had. I wasn’t what you needed back then. I could just about get myself together enough to be a half decent human being for Abbie.’

'Did you move here just for her, like you told me?’

'I want us to be a family. A real family. Where we all live in the same house and eat all our meals together, and have movies nights snuggled under a blanket. I want to delete that stupid digital calendar and put a paper one on the fridge because we’ll all see it there. I want all of that, but I also want you, more than I ever thought possible. I want to kiss you and fall asleep with you and wake up with you and make love to you and have a billion more babies with you. I want to argue and then make up, I want you to tell me off for not doing the laundry right or for skipping my turn doing the dishes.’

You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled from you, even as the tears slid down your cheeks. He reached up from his crouched position to tuck your hair behind your ears, removing the curtain that protected you from him.

'Look at me,’ he whispered and you tentatively shifted your gaze to his. 

'I love you, and I’ve come to realise that I think I always have. I just didn’t have anything to offer you. I’m not really sure I have much more now, but I can promise you that I will take care of you, be true to you, I will worship the ground upon which you walk, if you’ll let me.’

'Chris… there’s so much at stake here. What if we don’t work out? What’s that going to do to Abbie?’ you whispered to him, not wanting to break to spell with reality but needing to, for Abbie’s sake and for yours. 

'I’ve been thinking about this. And everything happens for a reason, right? If we’d never had Abbie, we probably would have parted ways eventually, and we’d have moved on. I think the universe sent Abbie to us, to make sure we had a reason to stay connected until I could get my shit together to be good enough for you.’

You barked a sniffly laugh again. That was so like Chris. _Of course it was the universe._

'And have you got your shit together now?’ You asked. 

'Baby, my world revolves around you and our daughter. I’m not the same guy I was ten years ago, I know that for certain. It’s you, me and Abbie, together, from now, if you’ll agree.’

You sighed, feeling fresh sobs creeping through your chest, but sobs of happiness this time you thought. It had been such a long time. 

It only took the briefest of nods to make Chris tug you down to the floor with him, crashing his mouth against yours. It was the same, but different as you explored each other. He was so familiar to you, but entirely new at the same time and you poured every bit of emotion you had into it, wrapping your hands tightly around his jaw, holding him fast. He held your body to his, unable to get close enough and eventually he pulled back to look you in the face, swiping at your remaining tears with his thumbs. 

'Mom? Dad?’ A quiet, confused voice sounded from the doorway, 'What’s going on?’

You both snapped your heads towards the sound to see a rather vulnerable looking Abbie standing there. 

'Oh baby girl, come here,’ Chris held out his hand towards her with a smile and she ran to you both, throwing herself into your embrace. You both pulled her in, hugging her between you, planting kisses against her hair. 

'This is the best Christmas present ever,’ her muffled voice came from somewhere under your arms and you beamed at Chris, leaving over her to kiss him chastely.

'I agree,’ you spoke against his mouth.

***

The next morning, you were tired, there were no two ways about it. The kids had been told absolutely no movement before 7am, and Abbie had helped by setting an alarm before they all settled down to their Christmas Eve sleepover in the bedroom designated the 'Grandkids’ room’.

But of course, at the stroke of 7am precisely, a hoard of excited children could be heard running through the upstairs rooms, waking disgruntled parents and grandparents. Abbie launched herself into your bed and flopped against the pillows.

'Merry Christmas mom! Where’s dad?’

'Merry Christmas sweetheart. I guess he’s in his room.’

’… but why? Aren’t you together now? Boyfriends and girlfriends sleep in the same bed.’

_Not again,_ you thought, _how were you going to handle this one? Would a ten year old understand the concept of taking it slow?_

You’d stayed up together, talking, long after the rest of the household had gone to sleep. You knew each other so well, but until recently, it had always been within the context of Abbie. Now, however, you had the opportunity to get to know each other as adults, but as happy and as heady as you were, even the two of you knew that sleeping in the same bed for the first time in over a decade in his mom’s house would be a mistake. So in the early hours, he’d slipped off to his own bed to get a few hours of sleep before the onslaught began. 

'We need a bit of time to get used to being together first,’ Chris’ deep voice rumbled from the door from where Abbie had left it open. His hair was messy from sleep and he yawned as he padded towards the bed, tucking himself in behind Abbie, sandwiching her between her parents. 'And you probably need a bit of time to get used to it too.’

'Daaaadddd, no I don’t! I think this is amazing. Look, we can have cuddles in bed together. We couldn’t do this before!’

You bit your lip to keep from laughing as Chris’ raised his eyebrow at you over her head. 

Thankfully, you were saved by a stampede of Chris’ niece and nephews in the room. 

'Come on Abbie! Let’s go and see if he’s been!’

***

A couple of hours later, you were all ensconced in the living room on the floor, passing presents to their intended receivers as the kids opened their gifts. Chris had passed you a steaming cup of coffee early on and you smiled at him gratefully as he sunk down next to you. You pretended to ignore the happy glances of his mom and siblings as you leaned against his arm and he immediately wrapped his arm around you. 

The morning was full of excited, grateful yells and whoops as the kids discovered items they’d written on their lists, punctuated by hugs and kisses of thanks. Occasionally, the kids remembered to pass some back for the grown ups too.

You’d had way more than you expected, receiving a gift from everyone in the family and then numerous packages all from Abbie, although you heavily suspected a certain father had taken her on shopping trip for them all. You whispered your thanks to Chris for each one and he pretended to not know a thing about it.

Eventually, Abbie got to a small gift bag that you guessed must have contained her necklace and you were excited to see her open it. 

'Oh, there’s a matching bag here, with your name on mom. It’s from dad,’ she glanced at the tag as she passed it to you.

You looked at him in surprise, thinking there couldn’t possibly be more but he just gave you a bashful smile. You delved in and pulled out a flat, square velvet box, just bigger than your palm, and glancing over at Abbie, you saw she had an exact replica. 

Confusion flitting across your face, you popped the lid open, you found the same heart shaped locket he’d showed you in the shop. Before you could question it, Abbie’s voice could be heard exclaiming at the side of you.

'Oh my god, I love it! Dad, thank you! It’s so cute. Look mom, it’s got a picture of us inside. And some writing!’

You look over at what she was showing you, seeing the picture was one of the three of you, not just Abbie and Chris as you had expected, taken next to the ice rink in New York when you’d taken Abbie to meet Chris there during a press tour. The inscription read 'My heart is always full when you are near. All my love, Dad’ and you felt tears prick your eyes.

'It’s beautiful, honey,’ you told her sincerely as she hugged Chris. 

While they were both distracted, you picked up your own locket, intrigued as to what could be inside. You carefully opened it up and your breath caught in your throat. A hand flew to your chest as an involuntarily sob heaved from you.

The picture was almost the same as ones you’d seen a hundred times before: the three of you, in the hospital when Abbie had just been born. She was nestled against you in her swaddle and her tiny fingers were wrapped around Chris’ little finger. He perched at the side of you, arm around your shoulders and on all the photos you had seen, you both gazed down, joyful and elated, enamoured with the tiny bundle in your arms.

But on this version of the photo, one you had never seen before, you gazed down at a newborn Abbie and Chris, well Chris gazed at you. Still just as joyful, still just as elated.

And the inscription read, in beautiful loopy script: 

_Since then._  
All my love,  
Chris


	2. Five Years Later

***

  
‘Hey Abs?’ Chris asked, not taking his eyes off the road. He was trying very, very hard to stay relaxed in the passenger seat as his daughter navigated the roads in his car. There was nothing actually wrong with her driving, but as he always told her, it was all the other drivers on the road that concerned him. 

She’d begged and begged him to take her out for driving practise and he’d finally agreed, but now they were alone, he needed to ask her a question.

‘Yes dad?’

'Can we just pull over a sec?’

'Why? I’m not doing anything wrong, am I?

'No, not at all, sweetheart. I’ve just got something I need to ask you and I feel like the car needs to be stationary when I do.’

'Well, that’s not ominous at all…’ she muttered as she pulled off the road very smoothly into a strip mall car park. 

'It’s nothing you need to worry about, I swear,’ Chris said as he looked around at the stores available. Spotting a diner, he suggested an ice cream break, to which Abbie was immediately amenable to.

***

'Okay dad, out with it,’ she told him after they’d selected their freak shake sundaes and left their order with a waiter.

He couldn’t get over her sometimes. Fifteen years old and she was growing into an amazing young lady that had her head screwed on right and the last five years of his life had been as close to perfect as he could have ever hoped for. After ten years of long distance co-parenting, he and you, Abbie’s mother, had finally got your shit together and managed to forge a real, true relationship. Four years ago, Chris and you had bought a new house in Boston for the three of you to move in to together and three years ago, you’d become parents for second time, to another little girl, the image of Abbie, and Thea had been Chris’ second chance: the first time he’d been a 24 hour, 7 days a week fixture in his child’s life from the very beginning. 

'What would you say if I told you I was… thinking about asking your mom to marry me?’

Abbie was still. Like freakishly still, and that unnerved Chris to no end because she was normally so expressive and excitable. She wouldn’t have a problem with this, would she?? 

After a few uncomfortable seconds of Abbie just staring expressionless at Chris, he could take it no longer.

'Abigail Christina, please don’t leave me hanging like this. Tell me what’s going through that head of yours!’

She shook her head as if coming out of trance and when she spoke, Chris could hear the higher pitch of her voice.

'Just… say that again, one more time.’

'I want to ask your mom to marry me.’

There was another millisecond of silence before the squealing began. She gripped the edge of the booth table as she bounced on her seat in excitement.

'Oh my god dad, are you serious?! This is _incredible_. You’re going to get married?! There’s going to be a wedding! Oh my god, mom’s going to have the same last name as the rest of us!!’

She stood up and flung herself into Chris’ side of the booth, clutching at him and tucking her head against his chest as he wound his arms around her. She could hear his chuckle rumbling through his chest.

'Well, I’ve got to ask her first. And she might not want to change her name. She might not even want to get married, she might turn me down.’

Abbie pulled her head back slightly to look up into his face.

'Dad, be serious. As if mom is ever going to turn you down. You two are so in love that it’s probably ruined me for any relationship in the future. Nothing will ever live up to what you two have, so when I’m alone at fifty, surrounded by dogs, you’ll only have yourselves to blame.’

He laughed again, planting a kiss against the top of her head, 'Nothing like being dramatic, is there pumpkin?’

'Got yourself to blame for that too. _Dad_. This is amazing. I’m so happy. _So happy_. Me and Thea will get to be bridesmaids! So what’s the plan? How are you going to ask her?’

'That’s my problem, I’m not sure. I did think of some grand big gesture but…’

'No, you’re right, she likes the little things that mean more. Like the necklaces you got us that Christmas you got together.’

Chris nodded, 'Okay, but what can I do that’s special enough?’ 

Abbie pulled away from his embrace to retrieve her phone from her jeans pocket, 'I think I might have an idea…’

***

'Are you almost ready?’ Chris asked, popping his head around the archway that joined your dressing room to the master bedroom. He looked handsome as ever, in his charcoal dress pants and crisp white shirt. His yet-to-be-done bow tie hung open around his neck, his top couple of buttons still undone, but it only served to make him looker sexier. 

'Almost,’ you confirmed, fixing drop diamonds into your ears. You felt nervous. You had literally no idea what was going on tonight, only that you’d come home to no kids and Chris informing you that you were leaving for dinner at seven thirty. 'Sure you don’t want to give me any clues? I’m guessing from our state of dress that we’re going somewhere pretty fancy.’

'Stop asking me, you’ll find out soon enough,’ he told you with a smile as he disappeared from view back into the bedroom, annoyingly determined to keep whatever secret it was that he had going. 

You appreciated that he’d arranged some kind of surprise but the dress code made you anxious. Going to upmarket places occasionally kind of came with the territory with Chris’ job but neither of you were especially comfortable in them so you didn’t imagine he’d actively choose to go somewhere that required an cocktail dress and a bow tie. But, at the same time, you couldn’t understand why he was keeping it all a secret if it was some industry event in some pretentious restaurant and bar. 

You stood up from your dressing table and smoothed out your dress. It was one of your most reliable evening dresses: navy blue silk with a chiffon overlay, flowing over your curves to the floor in a smooth column, with a delicate sparkly embellished pattern over the top. The neckline dipped low in a V and the whole thing fell elegantly from two fine straps over your shoulders. It had saved you on many an evening and today was no exception given the short timeframe you’d had. You slipped on your favourite nude strappy heels and grabbed a suitable clutch bag from the shelf in your closet. 

Stepping out into the bedroom, you saw that Chris had been waiting for you, perched on the end of the bed, leaning forward, his elbows braced against his thighs, and he looked up when you appeared.

'Will I do?’ you asked, giving him a twirl.

He rose to his feet and came towards you, looping an arm around your back and dipping you backwards at the waist as you giggled at the unexpected manoeuvre. 

'Stunning,’ he told you before kissing you squarely on the mouth.

'Thank you,’ you said, barely above a whisper as he tilted you back upright, 'You look quite handsome yourself. Need a hand with your bow tie?’

'Yes please, baby. Then we better get going. Don’t want to be late!’

***

When the town car pulled up outside a place you instantly recognised, you were beyond confused. The driver got out and opened the door for you and Chris shot around to help you out. 

'Chris, what the actual fuck?’ was all you could say, because as you stepped out in all your finery on to a street in Boston, outside the burger place Chris had been taking you to since way before you were together and Abbie was just a kid, you didn’t have a single inkling as to what was going on. It was, granted, the best burger place in town and they did do the most amazing churros, but it definitely didn’t require evening wear. 

Besides all this, the place didn’t even look open and you knew that if you weren’t so baffled, you’d be worried about what had potentially happened to your favourite burger joint. 

But Chris just had a stupid, shit-eating grin on his face, 'Come on, just trust me.’

He held your hand and led you towards the door to the diner, pushing against it even though the double sided sign was definitely set to 'closed’. To your surprise, it opened easily and he stepped inside, pulling you in with him. It was dark for a second and then all of a sudden there was light, but it wasn’t the usual fluorescent diner lights because the entire ceiling had been strung with zig zags of softly lit old fashioned bulbs. There were flowers everywhere and soft music playing in the background. There was a booth in the middle of the restaurant that had been set for four, with wine glasses and cutlery and napkins. The place had been transformed and you looked at Chris in wonder, still no idea what was going on. If it had been your birthday, you would have instantly realised this was your surprise party, but your birthday was months away. 

'Chris… what’s going on?’

'You’ll see now,’ he told you, before calling it into the restaurant, 'Girls, we’re here!’

And from the kitchen door at the back, you saw your daughters emerge, Thea toddling along holding on to Abbie’s hand.

'Abbie? How did you…? What…?’

'Mom, relax, grandma dropped us off like fifteen seconds before you arrived. We’ve just been waiting with Angela, the owner, in the back,’ Abbie explained. 

You looked at Chris, starting to feel overwhelmed, 'I just want to know what’s going on here.’

'Well, look at the girls, they’ve got something to ask you,’ Chris brushed his thumb over the skin of your hand, trying to keep you calm.

You turned back to look at your daughters, still walking towards you. You noticed they both had pretty skirts on, and Thea had a bow in her hair. Abbie had styled and curled hers, so they were both dressed up to a certain extent, but they were both wearing tshirts. This obvious anomaly caught your attention and you frowned as you tried to figure it out. As they drew closer, Thea going as quickly as her toddling legs would allow, you noticed they had something printed on and when you finally figured it out, your hand flew to your mouth with an audible gasp and when you looked up at Chris, your gaze was instantly forced down because at your feet, he was down on one knee. 

'So mom, how about it? Will you marry our dad?’ Abbie asked with a beaming smile, referencing the question printed on their tshirts. 

'Marry daddy!’ Thea shouted out, giggling away, reaching out to you and Chris. He held his arm out to her and Abbie let her go so Thea could rush towards him. She stood leaning against him with his arm, the one that didn’t have a ring box at the end of it, around her, keeping her close. 

You looked at your eldest daughter, whose tears in her eyes matched your own, and you held your hand out to her. She flew towards you, gripping your hand in hers, biting her bottom lip to try and keep from crying. And then you looked down at Chris. 

'I did have a big speech prepared, but I’ve suddenly realised the girls were going to be getting to the point pretty quickly. All you really need to know is that I love you, with all that I am, and that you would make me the happiest man in the world if you would agree to be my wife and to let me keep trying my best to make you the happiest _woman_ in the world, and these two the happiest girls in the world.’

You let the sob that had been building in your chest out then, and Abbie gripped your hand tighter. 

'Say yes mom, please,’ Abbie whispered.

'As if there would be any other answer I would or could give. Yes, yes, of course. _Of course!_ ’ 

Abbie squealed and Thea followed her. Chris beamed and stood up, Thea instantly clinging to his leg. He pulled the ring, simple and elegant, from the cushion and slid it onto your finger as you let the tears roll freely down your cheeks. Everything about this was perfect. 

Abbie scooped Thea up for a hug as you and Chris leaned in for a gentle kiss.

'I love you,’ you whispered against his mouth. 

'I love you, more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone.’

You sighed contentedly before remembering where you were and, now that the confusion and anxiety had passed, how hungry you were. 

'Please tell me we actually get to eat some burgers tonight?’

'We do indeed. And you can order sides, and dessert if you want,’ he offered, taking your hand and leading you to the table where Abbie and Thea were already settling in. You noticed staff had emerged with bottles of champagne and menus, and it suddenly dawned on you that Chris had hired this whole place out. 

Getting proposed to in your favourite burger place, with your daughters watching on, with an offer of sides and dessert afterwards…

…one thing was sure, Chris knew you so damn well.


End file.
